Tuesday, September 23, 2008
- 8:02 PM
"C'EST LA VIE
terhenti
membuka mata dan masih tak tersadarkan,sehingga ketika mereka tertuju kepada uap tungku yang mulai terbebaskan,mereka tak berkutik.masih saja meratapi mengapa.ditinggalkan oleh tak terhingganya pertanyaan.hey, apakah cerita ini tak jauh berbeda dengan yang lain?dengan milikmu, contohnya?apakah kau keberatan jika kita disamakan?tapi mengapa kau dan aku tidak ingin menghibur diri bersama?kami terpecahkan oleh mereka? apa itu benar?tapi semua sudah terhentikan,tidak ada bayang-bayang yang tersisasemua nyata.tapi retak,diretakan oleh pernyataan yang melambung jauh,saat kumenengok kearahnya, ia melambung cepat, tergesa- gesa menghampiri hatiku.dan dibuat olehnya aku seperti ini."aku jahat, kan?"ia berkata dengan pikiranku yang menelusuri alam dimana keabstrakan dinomorsatukan.hanya bisa berpikir keras.sekeras pikiran yang hanya bisa dipikirkan.dan tanpa sepengetahuannya.pemikirannya tanpa sepengetahuanku,ketika semua berbalik arah.pikirannya melambung bersama pernyataan yang telah meracuniku dengan sempurna.ia memutuskan inilah yang seharusnya diputuskan.memutuskan.keputusan.putuskan.tapi hati ini tetap saja bersikeras.mengerti, dimengerti.inginnya.saling mencoba, dan saling menginginkan.tapi, sudahlah.aku hanya bisa bersudah-sudah ria.jangan kaitkan aku dengan cerita yang ada.meskipun hanya bisa kukenang, suatu hari nanti.mengejar penghapus luka saat dikejar oleh pertanyaan.apakah akan berakhir dengan sempurna?mengapa saja dirimu tak benar-benar lenyap?mengapa saja ingatanku tak benar-benar dimusnahkan?apakah ingatanku yang akan mengusap perlahan akan dirimu?ataukan dirimu terhadap ingatanku?aku ingin dihapus, dikarenakan aku dan perhentianmu.andai saja kau tahu.terimakasih wahai pemberhenti.
Friday, September 19, 2008
- 9:49 PM
"C'EST LA VIE
jangan pernah beranggapan sebagai pengecewa
please, i'm begging you.just clear it all. clear, and we both will live happily.i dont wanna be done by this for a second time.no, i dont wanna cheat and lie bout these feelings.we're like strangers.i'm okay, extremely.but i wont let you move backward.jangan pernah beranggapan sebagai pengecewa.jangan pernah berfikir sebagai perusak pikiran.jangan pernah berkata akhir dari semuanya.jangan.jangan lakukan.jangan pernah mencoba untuk melakukannya jika tidak ingin dianggap sebagai pengecewa.jangan.jangan lakukan apapun.duduklah dan berfikirlah secara jernih.ingatlah, kenanglah semuanya.i'm so sorry, i made you like stranger.i made you like somebody else.i made you died by all your thoughts.i'm so sorry, i didnt mean to.what am i supposed to do?supposed to say?honestly, i cant.i cant let you go!:((
Thursday, September 18, 2008
- 9:29 PM
"C'EST LA VIE
don't say it will stay this way forever
what went? what happened?cant you see im wondering much like the burning flame in here?have you ever tasted like this?why? what has been happening so far?youre too confused, i know.i know your purpose is to make me happy, just like mine.but... its not the right line that you have to pick.not to say that youre confused and dont know what to do then you left me hanging on.hanging on with a thousand of thoughts; of messed up thoughts.you would never know, even though you said you know.you would never.should i be the one that cuts this fairytales?i know, its hard, to leave you. Its really hard to be left!you begged me.and you forced me.i couldnt take it anymore.i didnt wanna see you like this.should i cut it again? is this what you want?NO! I CANT! I CANT DO IT!
I'm not a best leaver.I'm not! none at all!i just... dont know whats wrong, whats been happening, what went on, what happenedwith you.you didnt tell me.you wont tell me.and youre not afraid if theres a wall-separateur between us.thats what makes me confused.its okay, im strong.i will learn how to loose you.
i cant see clearly now, my brain has gone.
comeback to me anytime you want.
but, ah! i dont know! i dont know! i dont knooooow!-the lesson that you'll never learn-
Saturday, September 13, 2008
- 9:30 PM
"C'EST LA VIE
heavy eyes
These eyes are heavy its like when metallica rules me.
Aaaa i talked with trauma's nino (the vocalist) this afternoon via yahoo, and he's so kind eeewww im glad he's kind so its like i increase the number of greatest friend. He offered me to go to the PMM or PPM or you named it, at kemang this nite, where the metalheads hang out, but i denied. Wtf? Does he want me to go alone there? At nite? thats freakin insane! Ah, i just wanna be mature so i can go anywhere alone without a doubt. I will have so many friends. Hmm i heard theres a classic rock comunnity named banner. Thats kool, i wanna join. But how?
Yes, one day, red! You'll be old enough to do what you want to do! Just wait.
Hmm i currently listening to blues! SRV, janis joplin, the kings *lol* (albert,freddie,bb), lucky peterson, and so on. I got em all from my lovely sea genie. Thanks for the influences and the poisons! you guys rock!
- 7:09 AM
"C'EST LA VIE
move forward not backward!
Like the name of the band that i have ever managed, FORWARD BACKWARD! It says move forward not backward!
So I'm gonna manage myself rite now, to be develop! yay! A moment ago, my 'knowing-each-other-from-yahoo-conference-that-invited-by-master-semut' friend called dian tigamartil phoned me and as usual told some stories. He asked me to make a classic rock band and he wants to be the manager. Ah! Thats a real kick ass offer! But, yah, you know thats a number one difficulty. Its really hard to recruit people to be the member, moreover for classic rock. Is there anyone who loves classic rock in hi skool? Nope. Mostly of them are faggots, i admit it. A couple of days ago me and syasa were sitting down together while the teacher was blurting out, we talked about how faggot the faggots in our hi skool. Ah there are a bunch, theyre overdose. We just can find only several people that hmmm we just can call em normal, not faggots. We didnt mean to picking friends,but we just emmm did some little observation and we found the conclusion. Ah. Damn. Makes me regret, regret much, why i picked this skool. Most of them are the real faggots. They sing nauseating indonesian top 40 songs, they go to the mall where the other faggots meet each other, they have 17 ex boyfriends and 25 ex girlfriends, they just went to the cinema by the age of 17, they have a bursting laugh and it sounds so creepy, they wear tawdry clothes and dont have any sense of thing, they just know how to do the homeworks and how to finish the exams at skool, they only talk about lovelife and it sounds so creepy, they update their friendster with their flickering profile (and they proud), they love trend very much and dont care the trend is fit in or nah, they mention "jazz" as their fave music besides they just listen to indonesian top 40 songs such as maliq tompi ran whothefugever and dont know whos miles davis or frank sinatra, they mention "emo" as their fave music and they follow itself as their lifestyles, they love punk rock with proud of telling people that they listen to avril lavigne and good charlotte, they say they love metal but they dont know how to headbanging, they say they hate faggots but they never look at themselves, and so on! ah it increases my sin with mention the typicals of faggots. Sorry, God.
Ehmmm lets forget bout the faggots, we just dont give a damn bout em. I dont care,huh.
And now, Voila! Lets see what are the things that i wanna do to make this self develop.
Me and syasa planned to make homemade shirts, sandals, bags, etc. We have a lot of ideas in our dashing brains *evil laugh* and we just planned that we will make it this week or next week. Yesterday me and her bought the equipments at store. Cant wait!
Hmm keyboard lesson. Thanks to my monster sea genie for teaching me 12 bar blues, shuffle, history, and the other blues things, and...mmm keyboard. He makes me enthusiasm much! And rachel, thanks for the lesson too. We teach each other, dont we? aaarghhh! :) I play warmness on the soul on and on and i found out this morning that i play it fluently! :) yay! I just have to buy some lesson books because my monster's the beatles book doesnt produce a thing.
Ahaha i cant wait! i have to keep my money to do a bunch of brilliant things!
and oh sorry i blurted out :p
Friday, September 05, 2008
- 10:22 PM
"C'EST LA VIE
undeveloped creature
ah laaaaaaame. Two songs take a very very long time. Bureaucracy possessed! Ah go to hel with bureaucracy! ah nah bureaucracy isnt more than a ghost! (wtf you're tryin to jeer but it looks so ahahaha freakin absuuuurd-wanna-makethingsfunny-butyoufailed-oooooh)
haha. Things get unclearly now, since i lost my thoughts about how to make this self to be develop! to move forward, not backward! aaaaah again on and the same, *dopey* as this eyes are heavey like a smoking hell.
Ah, he said "dont wait for me". What? What? What? Don't wait for me cuz i wont just sit by?! (guess what what that's a lyric :D) Ah whatever, sea genie! :( hmmmmm why do i always pretend like i dont care huh? whaaaaaaaaaaaat aaaaaaaah you do the same way too huh? aaaaah terrible! prestige always be the number one thought we've been together for a long time? aaaaaah toreful.
:(
undeveloped undevelope, how to rub out yer name? how? how?
:( uuuuuuuuuuuh toreful.
Wednesday, September 03, 2008
- 12:41 PM
"C'EST LA VIE
bangga amat
bangga amat dibenci. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
